I have to report that Her Ladyship has right, royally disgraced herself. We had a serious falling out last week. She and I are very much hoping to take part in a sponsored walk in May for a fantastic animal charity called Animals Asia and have been looking for nice places to do longer walks, in preparation. Therefore, I was delighted to find a lovely big field within walking distance from our house where I could let Holly off the lead for a wee run-around.

Well, she most certainly gave me the run-around in style last week!

We started out up to the field on a beautiful bright, blue skied, sunny morning with a distinct hint of spring in the air. Once we reached the field, I let Holly off the lead. Away she trotted with a little hop, skip and a jump of enthusiasm as her lighter frame now allows, contentedly sniffing all the new smells around her. Actually, Holly doesn’t really ‘sniff’ as such but more accurately acts like she’s snorting for truffles, decibels increasing as she blows, sorry, goes!

We followed all the well trodden paths and it really was a beautiful day. The walk was so enjoyable, I decided to go a little further afield and off the beaten track. BIG mistake!

Holly lagged behind a little at one point, spending a long time sniffing something of great interest to her. And then I saw it, the focus of her undivided attention. A great big pile of steaming hot fox pooh.

Like car crash television, before my very eyes and with my feet unable to run fast enough to stop her, she launched herself at the offensive pile head first, like a polar bear bursting through the ice for tasty morsels below. She started sliding around, rubbing her head, neck and ears, coating her fur in the stench like she was wallowing in sweet smelling candyfloss! The horror of the reality dawned on me as I finally reached the pongy pooch to find even her chain link collar covered in the green and brown stinking mess. I had no alternative but to try and pull her away, but her size still makes parental control rather difficult at times and even more frustrating in such a ‘rolling in fox pooh’ emergency. It was a highly traumatic incident – for me anyway!

On arriving home she was promptly marched out into the back garden to be hosed down. I can barely write about it as I’m feeling nauseous just recalling the whole event!

She was bathed and bathed, dried with the hairdryer, then smothered in scented talc and brushed and brushed and yet still, she stank.

I phoned the dog groomer Holly has been to in the past, and she suggested wiping vinegar and warm water on her and online, they suggested tomato ketchup to mask the smell. So I had the choice of her smelling like a hotdog or a chippy, but anything was better than the rank smell of fox pooh, so I chose the chippy.

What a relief when the vinegar began to mask the smell, but sadly it was short lived. All too soon the rancid odour began to permeate through the vinegar. The paint on the walls started blistering, the paper started peeling, the windows started cracking and my eyes were watering and bloodshot. Okay, I’m exaggerating a little but I have to adequately portray the extent of my suffering after Her Ladyships revolting indulgence!

The smell lingered for a good few days, despite more vinegar, talc and baby wipes. The only thing that got rid of it completely was another visit to Holly’s beauty parlour for a shampoo and blow dry before she returned to her full glory.

The experience and smell was so awful, I could not understand why dogs got so much pleasure from doing this. My old dog Tulsa used to love to roll in cow pats, so I knew it wasn’t just Holly, so I turned to the internet for an explanation of this very socially unacceptable doggie habit.

Apparently, it is a trait handed down from their ancestors. The dogs roll in the offensive substance to disguise their own scent. This enables them to ‘blend’ into their environment while they are stalking their prey.

I have now had a long chat with Holly, I talked, and she had no choice but to listen! I have politely informed her that I’m sure this behaviour will be very useful when she’s next stalking a herd of wilder beast in the Serengeti, but until then, she has a nice tasty bowl of dog food at home waiting for her and she’s not going to need to stalk anything anytime soon!