Oh the aches and pains just never go away. It’s true what they say, old age never comes alone and it’s certainly not eased when a 6 foot, muscle mountain of a personal trainer will not let up on his mission to inflict pain and suffering on the rotund.

Sadly, as the credit crunch forced me to tighten my belt, I have had to drop one session a month with Tarzan. I did this on the strict promise to myself that I would go for a couple of extra swims the week I didn’t have him. I really must learn that these types of promises to myself are never a very good idea. After a week with no additional exercise apart from slightly longer walks with Holly, I am really suffering after yesterdays session back in the gym. Much as I love him, if Tarzan tells me to ‘embrace the pain’ one more time, I may go and embrace the nearest and heaviest dumbbell and drop it on his toe! I think given the circumstances, I did quite well yesterday as I managed to leg press the equivalent of 17 ½ stone. However, although in general I’m pretty good at weights, I am utterly hopeless at lifting weights above my head. I can pull them and push them, but please don’t ask me to lift anything heavier than a cotton bud above my head!

I’ve had fun with my mum the last few days. In my infinite wisdom, I bought her a mobile phone for her 80th birthday. Mum is an incredibly fit, healthy and fiercely independent octogenarian and I thought a mobile would be a sensible and practical way to help her retain that independence. As someone who has never been defeated by anything new, learning computer skills, German and even Braille in her later years, she’s now tackling the art of text messaging with unflinching determination. I would have been very happy with her just remembering to switch her mobile phone on when she went out the door, but she has once again, amazed me with her stoic effort to learn new things.

When I first bought her phone, I put a few of the numbers I thought she would use the most in her address book and I also got friends and family who had mobiles, to send her ‘Happy Birthday’ texts so they would be there in her ‘in box’ to surprise her when she switched on her phone. So imagine everyone else’s surprise when a variety of text messages were flying to various different phones, and none of them to the correct people in the weeks after her birthday! Text messages were sent to landlines and mysterious silent phonecalls were made to confused recipients. While this was going on, my best advice to mum, was just don’t start breathing heavily when you’re playing with your phone in case you accidentally give someone a saucy phonecall. I think there’s a real risk she may launch a nuclear missile somewhere in the world and become a threat to national security but you’ve got to give her ten out of ten for trying!

Holly’s still doing well and she’s lost nearly 2 stone now. We’ve been managing longer walks as she loses weight. She even managed a little provocative swagger for the neighbourhoods male dogs as she regained a little control over her rather portly rear end as it’s slowly reducing in size. We’ve had a terrible cold snap of late with lots of snow and ice which has caused me to land flat on my back on two occasions while out for our evening constitutionals as the temperatures drop. If the cold spell continues one of us is going to throw a hip, and I can be pretty certain it won’t be Holly! An observation I have made since becoming the proud owner of a four legged friend, is that it makes me laugh at how dog owners have these little petite poop scoop bags to clean up after their pooches. I need bags the size of bin liners to deal with her ladyships offerings, but I suppose all that weight has to go somewhere!